It has recently come to my attention...

I am going to have to grow up.

Now I don't mean maturity level wise, but literally grow up. I am looking at how fast my high school career is flying by, and thinking, college is just around the corner. Where do I want to go? What do I want to be?

I was thinking yesterday, how excited I am to live in my very own appartment. I used to be strongly opposed to the idea of appartments, but recently the idea has opened up. I feel like the time you live in an appartment, is like a portal between the time you are a young hipster adult, and you become a full blown adult. I feel like this carefree (not literally carefree) time in my life is going to be the most fun. Figuring out what you want to do, becoming you.

Marriage. The very word is bitter sweet. Think about this: Your spouse is currently on this planet somewhere. The person you are going to marry might even be thinking about you right now. I honestly think about my wedding a lot. I can't see my face, or my husbands when I visualize this monumental day. I merely see are hands together, never letting go. Just love, happiness, peace in my heart. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. This day will be here before any of us know it.

Children. I once told someone I was going to have my own children and that person looked at me and said, " EEeeewwwww!! That's so gross!" I was honestly really offended. Even though it is several years into the future, my children mean the world to me. Even though they aren't really here... They're here. This person went on to tell me how they are going to adopt all their kids, because getting pregnant really wasn't worth it. First of all, adoption is wonderful, but I wouldnt go as far as saying having your own kids isn't worth is because of pain. That's what miracle drugs are for, and plus it's a few measly few hours of the (give or take a few) 100 years you have on this planet. Suck it up. And chances are if you are married and having sexual relations with your husband, I am willing to bet your going to get pregnant. Just saying. Yes, I am going to shove a human being out of my body and it's going to hurt. Why? Because I love them that much.

EClaire and I were in the maternity ward of a hospital back in April, visiting a new baby. The thought occurred to us..in about a decade, this will be us, sitting in a hospital scared out of our mind with a brand new baby. All ours. Forever. Raising them even after they leave us, and have children of their own.

I'll leave you with these thoughts. Wouldn't want to blow up your brain or anything, but I am going to ask you to really think about all this. Really think about all this.

It's the circle or life, and it moves us all,

Nowhere Girl

P.S. to lazy to proofread.

I am Where I am Supposed to Be

So we hit day two of no play practice. I did fairly well. I barely even thought about it all day. Only when we had a mini cast reunion in the hallway. As I looked into the faces of my sisters, I realized I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that point in time. I realized, even though Charlotte's Web is over, I still have every one of those girls. As for the boys? They'll always be there too, even if it's only in my memories. I was happy. It's all rather bitter sweet.

After school EClaire and I went sat in the auditorium. I didn't cry. I laughed and laughed. I could really see the whole show, and all I could think was "We are damn good!" We were soon joined by Murrbeth. We laughed some more. Most of my best memories that are going to be made at DASH are going to happen in that very room. It's already given me so many.

It's the buttermilk.

Nowhere Girl